I learned some very bad habits when I was young. I know they are bad. I know I shouldn’t indulge. And yet….. sometimes I just slip right back and do it again anyway. I’m talking about snarkiness. Down right disagreeableness. About feeling that things have to be some sort of notion of “fair” and “my way” even when logically that makes no sense.

Why do we hurt the people for whom we care? What is it that drives an otherwise sensible reasonable adult to deliberately attempt to provoke and hurt another? I did it again tonight. Intentionally. I opened the conversation KNOWING that I would probably be nasty, snarky and mean. WANTING to be belligerent and pick a fight. Why didn’t I just stay quiet????? I certainly don’t feel BETTER. Do I feel better thinking/hoping that I made the other person feel crummy too??? The old “misery loves company” syndrome?

I suppose a “mature” approach would be to analyze and figure out WHY I want to be snarky. Except I’m still in my 6-year-old “because” mood. If I attempt any analysis it will probably be flawed.

So…. sigh. I don’t feel better for being snarky. Oh maybe there is one perverse part of me that DOES like having been snide. But I am sorry. Truly. Because really – I don’t want to cause hurt. Or pain. And I’m only trying to cause hurt because for whatever reason *I* feel hurt. Which makes no real sense, but when were feelings ever sensible? And none of what I said was what I really wanted to say.

One of my favorite comic strips, Rose is Rose, has a wonderful recurring bit: The dungeon of resentment. So here I sit, miserable in my dungeon of resentment. Locked there by myself. Kept there by myself. Waiting to figure out how to unlock the prison and tear down these stupid bricks that keep me from what I want.

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There's not much to say about me. I discovered SecondLife by accident, wandered in, and decided I wanted to stay. This blog was a chronicle of my adventures and misadventures in SL. It also includes stray thoughts that occur to me as a result of my time in SL. Both I and my avatar are female. We both love water and the beach and gardening and parties and hanging out with friends. Updating this after quite some time. I haven't appeared in SL in many many months (probably over a year by now) but SL has remained in my thoughts. I do miss my SL, but at least I still have contact with some of my friends from there. In the meantime.... this blog has evolved to be about my RL adventures. :) Nowhere near as risque as my SL but I do keep busy. I still like all the things listed above. I didn't have any cats in SL (only ducks and a panda) so my cats feel that they should play starring roles in my posts. :) I didn't do much eating IN SL although certainly food and drink accompanied me in RL while I roamed inworld. Cooking and baking have become more fun and interesting once I redid my kitchen. That renovation took longer and cost more than if I'd done it virtually, but I'm thrilled to have a tangible new kitchen! I hope you like food and drink as well! Thanks for reading!

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