Month: December 2013

Another Step Forward

Things were VERY bad this morning. I was extremely stressed out. Many issues that are “real” and probably some that only seem to be issues because of lack of sleep or insufficient hydration or whatever. I was able to walk in 3.5 inch heels on Thursday, but not very well. PT on Friday didn’t go very well either – could not get the one toe to unlock and flex. Sigh. Things such as that accumulated. As has my weight. Ugh. Before noon the big cranky gray cat had attacked the black kitten twice. I was wound tight and tighter. What to do?

inch by inchIn the past, when I’ve reached that ready-to-scream-and-snap state, I’ve worked out. Okay, well then, I’ve been doing the grocery shopping (1.5 hours in sneakers & upright & moving). I wore 2.5 inch heels all day at the beginning of the week. Surgeon has said I’ll do more harm now by babying the foot than by pushing the limits. It wasn’t much of a decision. I changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my music and headed for the treadmill. I’ve not worked out in over 6 months, probably much longer. *laughing* I wasn’t even sure the treadmill would START. It did and I stepped on. I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked.

My walking was either pitiful or a major triumph. Or both. The FASTEST rate I got to was 2.4 mph. I used to start warming up at 2.6 mph. I pushed the incline up to 4% as I walked. I might not be going fast today but I could go steep. The triumph is that I walked a mile – nonstop. Considering that a few weeks ago I couldn’t walk at all without a major limp, I was quite pleased, even if it took 27 minutes. I started at 2 mph and got it up to 2.4 before I stopped. Considering there was a time I used to RUN, 2.4 is embarrassing. Considering the last few months, 2.4 is a miracle.

If I can walk, well, I’m sure I can row, too. *grin* Yep, I can row. Again, comparing it to what I used to be able to do, I did wince. Comparing it to the last several months – I rock. 180 strokes in 5 minutes.

Even more to the point, I do not seem to have damaged anything anywhere while I walked and rowed. My mood definitely lifted. No question that I worked out the negative energy that was stressing me. Since I think I’ll still be sufficiently limber tomorrow, I’m planning on doing it again.

Wish me luck and continued endurance and commitment. I hear my shoes calling.

Balancing Act

It’s the weekend, NOT a time for rest but a time to get done all those chores that can’t get done during the work week. The weather has been crazy warm – totally unseasonable and a bit odd, but VERY useful for getting done all the things I couldn’t do in the fall because I couldn’t really walk. I had a GREAT conversation with my doctor this week, which perked up my spirits. I needed his upbeat positive outlook because my foot is actually hurting quite a bit this weekend. I’m not really sure why. I suppose it could be because of using it. Perhaps the warm humid weather is the culprit. I find that when I start to feel overwhelmed or negative, it’s often best to focus on the positive things. So it’s time to make the ledger entries.
weekend ledger
Hmmmmm. Laid out that way, things don’t look too gloomy. I LOVE having my toes polished again. 🙂 What a lift to the spirits. Something so light-hearted, unnecessary and yet inherently cheerful.

The Spirit of SL

dancing at the FogboundI have been determined to get inworld and visit some of the great seasonal sites as well as catch up – again – with friends. My day had been somewhat up and down. A VERY good up was news from my surgeon about my foot. *smile* His words were music to my ears: Push it Ahuva – USE that foot, wear shoes. At this point you’ll do more harm by NOT using than by OVER using it. Yes! Since I’d already managed to get into a pair of boots with 2.5 inch heels, that was both reward and incentive. *laughing* Those 2.5 inch heeled boots are my “flats”, btw.

fogbound at ChristmasLogging in I got more UP day. Hunter was on and we chatted for a bit. I don’t remember the last time we both were on with a few moments to relax and catch up. While we were saying “bon apetit” in parting, Patricia Anne logged in. Oh my, I don’t think PA and I have talked since perhaps the summer. Maybe even the spring. It seems like years. We had a great time chatting and catching up on both RL and SL. I’d been listening to Taunter while I chatted. She was singing at a formal attire venue so I had a chance to take one of my gowns out of inventory. 🙂 The risque brown one that would never ever work for me in the material world. Was lovely, as always, to listen to Taunter sing. When she was done, I headed to Fogbound, my home away from home when it’s NOT Friday night. (Then home away from home is Tribeca, of course.)

Once there, I saw more friends – Mae and Yanik. *smile* Bob was playing great Blues and the mood was perfect. Y joined me shortly after I arrived, so I got up to dance! We also had a LOT of catching up to do. I guess that’s true for me for all my friends. Since the last time I managed to get in was nearly 2 weeks ago, there’s a lot to cover.

Alessandra with the red boots onAs we danced I did the usual cam-around-the-room. I noticed a great looking pair of red boots. So nice, I thought I might like to find a pair for myself. I clicked on a boot and checked the object profile and took a screen shot for future reference. For the record: N&N City boots by candice OHare! I IM’d Alessandra, she of the lovely red boots, and told her I thought her boots were great! She said thank you and I said you’re welcome. I smiled, thought no more on it, and continued chatting with Y. Well. I saw an incoming box and checked. Alessandra had gifted me with a pair of the boots!!!!!! So generous! A simple compliment generating such a thoughtful gesture.

Yes, there may be griefing. Yes, there are trolls who announce unpleasant things in the local chat. Yes, SL has its share of not so pleasant beings. But SL also has the beautiful lovely people who reach out and make the world a happier place to be. Thank you SO much, Alessandra! You are a star!

Facing Reality

Yesterday I went over the river and through the woods. Not to my grandmother’s house, but to work HQ. The delusion is that I can make the drive without becoming fatigued. On a good day the commute there takes me 2 hours. Yesterday was NOT a good day. It took me about an hour to get across the bridge. All the other roads – to the bridge and after the bridge – were wet and many of the other drivers were both stupidly fast and dangerously slow. It took me close to 2.75 hours to get there. Of course the bridge is all stop-and-go. Which means my right foot is in constant use. Ouch. The reality is that by the time I got to HQ, I was exhausted and in pain. Security has been VERY kind to me and let me park in the VIP lot, close to the door, but that is still a walk. I was smarter this time and brought an ice pack with me. I’d left it in the trunk of my car in the hope it would still be mostly frozen by the time I could use it. 🙂 Thinking ahead this time.

I know that healing takes energy. I’ve told many others that in their time. Somehow I have difficulty internalizing that for myself. It seems unbelievable that merely driving my car should be so tiring. Once I’m at the office, it’s non-stop meetings, talk, work. That doesn’t seem as if it should be tiring, either. But it is. Moving my body with my foot still not 100% takes more energy and effort than seems correct. The upside is that I sooooooo enjoy seeing my coworkers, working on our projects face to face, and laughing and joking together. I do gain nourishment and strength from that. Good thing, because last night was the holiday dinner. Again – lovely, fun, and kept me moving and functioning. I even managed the drive home without too much difficulty because it was late, the roads were dry and there was not much traffic. Thank goodness for cruise control!!!!

People are so good at deluding themselves. It’s been over 9 weeks now. Yet I still wake up each day expecting to have ALL my usual energy and strength. “Usual” for about a year ago. Certainly NOT the “usual” for the last several months. But I still think I’m going to wake up, walk, move, and go full out for hours on end without a problem. Knowing something logically is not the same as knowing something in your functioning reality. Like most people I suppose, I’m very quick to assure others that it’s reasonable and right that they not be back at “full power” and they should relax and take care of themselves. But for myself, well, *shake my head in disagreement”, “don’t be silly”, NO REASON why I shouldn’t be able to do it all.

So here I sit, recovering. I’m sooooo much better than I was: stronger, my foot more flexible, in less pain. Better is NOT the same as recovered, however, no matter how much I want to pretend that it is. Ahuva – meet reality. Reality – please try not to bash her over the head too much. 🙂

Yahrtzeit

The Jewish calendar has many twists and turns. Our dear friend Lalo Telling passed away on the 1st of Tevet on the Hebrew calendar in the year 2012 of the Gregorian calendar. Lalo TellingThat means that his yahrtzeit (the anniversary of his death) occurs during Rosh Chodesh. Some Hebrew months always have TWO days for Rosh Chodesh. Some Hebrew months always have ONE day for Rosh Chodesh. Some months, well, it varies. You probably guessed that for Tevet it varies. This month Tevet has one day, apparently. I believe that means that starting at sundown on December 3, 2013 through sundown December 4, 2013 is the first day of Tevet and is Rosh Chodesh and is indeed Lalo’s yahrtzeit. If I’m wrong – I think Lalo will forgive me.

It’s been a year. I miss him still, very much. Passover came and went without him skyping in to our celebration. Lighting the Edloe ChanukiahAfter only 2 years he was a regular and the other regulars all asked after him and missed his presence. The high holidays came and went in the fall and there was no Lalo to discuss d’vrei Torah and sermons and meaning and customs. Now it’s Chanukah. Last year I flew out to be with him. We lit the Chanukiah, we sang the prayers, we sang other songs and blessings. Despite the sad reason for my presence, we had a very very good time. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be with him then.

Lalo and I didn’t know each other all that long in SL. We met in the late winter of 2011, inworld. We happened to be at the same musical event. I’d been following his blog and IM’d him to introduce myself. As it happens so often in SL, we clicked. We cared about many of the same things, laughed at the same things, enjoyed playing in SL. Lalo,_Bamboo_and_Ahuva_set_out[1]I still have not written up half the adventures that Lalo, Bamboo and I took together in SL. The one in the truck with Bamboo, when we were run off the road by a tank – that was a true SL/Lalo/Ahuva/Bamboo classic. Shortly after I met him he was blessed with a FL friend and companion, Emspar. He and I had less time to play inworld because his outworld was so full of joy with Emspar and with work. We still had Friday nights at Tribeca with the rest of the gang, and Fridays at The Listening Room with those wonderful folks, and dancing at Fogbound and with Noma and Taunter and Komuso. We visited SL amusements, learned to ride horses at Carriage Trade, did the big SL celebrations. When I look back, by the Gregorian calendar it wasn’t very long. But in SL terms it was. SL has never been quite the same for me since he died. I feel the loss so keenly there. A part of me still checks the friends list to see if he’s logged in yet.

Lalo teaches Bamboo to flyI love to think of Lalo. I love to remember our conversations on Judaism, on engineering, music, books, life. He was intelligent, witty, funny, and so full of interesting information. I miss you, dear friend, more than I could have ever realized. Thank you for enriching my life. Your memory is a blessing to me.