I am without doubt the worst cat parent that has ever been. I was trying to do what I thought was right. Instead I miscalculated and my poor little WC has paid the price. Look – her litter mate GC had the same ailments/illness as WC. GC got weak and died in a matter of weeks. GC went down to the basement, emerged only intermittently and then passed away.
WC began showing symptoms in August of 2021. Some days she was so weak, so fragile, so sad that we didn’t think she’d last a week. Some days she seemed so pathetic that we’d say “if she’s like this tomorrow still we’ll call the vet”. Then she’d perk up and eat and meow and march about giving us orders as if she’d never had a bad day in her life.
But there were a lot of those sad bad days. We kept expecting her to die any week now. We did NOT bring her to the vet because she HATES the vet. She always soiled herself on the way to the vet. Cried piteously the whole way. Cried there. So even as she got more frail, we said “well we know what’s wrong and why torture her by bringing her to the vet to hear what we already know – she’s old and sick”. We let her medicine and food plan lapse a few weeks ago because the vet wouldn’t renew them without a visit.
It’s now 9 months since we began thinking “any day now”. I ‘broke” and made an appointment for her. She smelled, she was completely matted. WC who used to have the silkiest smoothest fur in all of creation. She spent the day at the vets’. Being shaved, cleaned – inside and out. Poor thing – was given fluids inside and out. Yes, that means both ends. The vet called me 3 times during the day to give us progress reports. She warned us that WC was extremely bony and had lost lots of weight, despite the fact that we feed her on demand every 30 minutes. Perhaps cancer? But she’s over 19 years old, and we said no xrays, no heroic efforts.
They sent her home with a little jacket to keep her warm. They suggested fiber for her diet to help with ‘output’. Gave us a fatty supplement to help with her skin and health. Powder to sprinkle on her skin to help with the nicks on her from the shaving (she also had lots of old-lady growths on her skin that got nicked). Look at her. I feel so guilty, so awful, so wrong. If only I’d brought her in when I stopped being able to keep up with her matted fur?? The truth is that there is no change in her care going forward. She seemed so deflated yesterday. The bit of good news is that this morning she was back to meowing at me impatiently for her breakfast. AND she jumped up onto the couch where I do NOT have any protective cloths. I guess that might be her “in your face, mom!” moment. Sigh. My poor little girl. I feel so guilty that I seem to have done it all wrong and she had to pay the price. 😦
Ahuva's Blog 
You have NOT done it all wrong. If you had she wouldn’t still be with you. I have experience doing it ALL WRONG – you can just drop the guilt now. She’ll take advantage of it 🙂
Hindsight is 20-20. We make the best decisions we can based on the information we have. Would we change things if we knew then what we know now? We all would.
But you can’t beat yourself up over this. You love her and there were enough “good days” to make up for the bad ones. When you decision is based on love, it’s not wrong.
I agree with your other friends. Parenting is a crapshoot. You made the best decisions you could based on experience, observation, and desire to keep WC as comfortable as possible (which meant NO VET visits!) She will grow her fur out again, it will probably mat again, she will have good days and bad days, she will drive you nuts meowing for food every 30 minutes, and you will just keep feeding her and scritching her and loving her as you always have until she finally crosses the Rainbow Bridge. Which from all evidence does not appear to be any time soon. So stop beating yourself up and keep on doing exactly what you were doing before. You are a wonderful cat mommy.
Oh, and P.S. Look at that tail in your second photo. That is NOT a “depressed” tail–it is straight up in the air! That cat is going nowhere any time soon.
That cat has a will to live like no other!!! You guys love her, and that’s enough. You’re doing the best you can and you’re not veterinarians so you can only do what feels right to you in the moment.