Posts Tagged 'fear'

Dancing in My Chains

dancing-in-my-chainsI forgot a very important saying yesterday, in my rainy day musings. My sister, Melissa, reminded me. You remember Melissa – Melissa wanted ducks in my landscaping project way back in the fall. 🙂 Anyway, Melissa reminded me of something important: the words that we use to describe ourselves and our situations have power. Don’t say “oh I can’t take it anymore”. Try saying “yes, this is a bit stressful and problematic”. And notice how suddenly the issue seems much more manageable. So we were talking about how Freedom is learning to dance in your chains and I was struggling to dance in my chains. Melissa said: “Don’t think of them as chains–think of them as colorful ribbons. Didn’t you say that re-languaging things changes the reality?” *grin* Yes, I say that all the time. When I read it I went pfffft and made a face. But then I thought about it. And the minute the image changed to colorful ribbons, well, many of the things that had to be done no longer seemed so oppressive. *hugs* Thanks Melissa!

But it was more than that yesterday. I was scared. I love my job. I love that I get to play in virtual worlds as part of my job. You know that I’ve volunteered for things that I didn’t know how to do: landscaping, making hair, building/running a shopping mall. But now…. now I have to build and script. I’m not a great scripter (yet. *grin*). my-chains-are-ribbonsBut I have faith that I can muddle through. Building? It terrifies me. I was frozen in fear last night. I had no idea how to start building the things that I need to create. I was fairly certain I needed to explore sculpties and flexis and such. My brain simply wouldn’t work. I do NOT want to build. 😦 I want to script. But that’s really not my role in this project. This project is SO important to me. This isn’t volunteer work. This is something about which I am passionate. To which I am committed. Even if it doesn’t make it to the end, I must do the absolute best that I can do. This is integral to my sense of self. So I was talking to a friend last night, trying to figure out how I could move past the terror and the paralysis and accomplish what I needed to do. Like taxes – it won’t just happen on its own or go away.

I thought of Melissa’s ribbons. I thought of dancing in my chains of project obligations. I thought – if I could build my ribbons, I could break through the paralysis and fear. I could find an approach to building that was ME, that was who and what I am. I envisioned myself dancing on the beach in colofrul streaming ribbons. 🙂 I returned home, logged in, and IM’d Shenlei. *hugs* Shenlei gave me a very quick intro to sculpties and flexis and helped me shape the “manacle” and create the ribbons. The manacle is a sculpti, the ribbons are flexis. 🙂

I am dancing in my chains. I am light-hearted. I am full of energy and ideas of how to tackle the work that needs to be done. I am free.
i-am-free


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