Posts Tagged 'working out'

Identity Crisis

If you have known me awhile, or read this blog back in its early days, you know that I have several defining traits. I like shoes. BIG TIME like shoes. One could even say I adore shoes. You could even call me the Imelda Marcos of SL/NJ.

I also love to read. Waaaaay back in the dark ages before kindles and ebooks and the internet, I would frequent the book stores on my lunch hour and buy and buy and buy books. Paperbacks, hardbacks, authors I knew, authors I didn’t know. Books. I was always reading. It’s a family trait. Time for a little reminiscing. When my sister and I were young ‘uns, there was a bathroom in the basement of the house. The basement was totally icky. Really icky. Bugs. Spiders. Those horrible hundred-legger thingies. Dark with naked light bulbs with strings for on/off. My father asked us what he could do to get us to use the bathroom in the basement. We conferred and came back and said: put in bookshelves. He didn’t and we continued to not use that bathroom. *grin* Books & reading. That’s my pleasure. We’d go to the beach for a week in the summer and I’d bring 14-16 books with me and finish them all.

This next trait may be less well known, or maybe I’m kidding myself. 🙂 I push myself hard. I like working out. I subscribe to the “no pain no gain” mantra. I know there are pictures of Ahuva on the treadmill here in this blog. I have a treadmill, rowing machine, bicycle and free weights in my basement (which is NOT dark and icky and DOES have bookshelves). I love my rowing machine and treadmill. My treadmill is fairly new – only 3 years now, and it has a zillion trendy features. For years my friend tried to get me to do yoga (she’s a yoga instructor) and then my sister took it up and loved it. My sister got me to go to a stretch class last year. The class was great even though they were “sneaking” yoga moves into it. But yoga is NOT for me. I DID try it once and it did NOTHING for me. I always sneered and said not my thing – it has to HURT to be good. Run. Weights. Row. Core. Sweat sweat sweat.

I don’t watch TV much. Yes, my Superbowl party IS one of my top parties of the year for me, and yes, I did go and buy a brand new TV this year just for the party. (I can explain why if you are really interested. Even if you are not. I didn’t want to move the 55″ curved TV from the sunroom into the living room so I bought a 49″ 4g tv for the party. Anyone interested in buying a used TV?) But TV is not my thing. I had 2 exceptions to that: True Blood and the old Weather Channel. I LOVED the original weather channel. I can’t stand what it’s become. But I would turn on the TV and watch the weather channel and be entertained. True Blood. Oh Em Gee. I loved loved loved True Blood. I thought about Sookie and Bill and Tara and Jason and all of them regularly. I STILL feel as if they are people I really know and are my friends. I was Club Bill, btw, not Club Eric. 🙂 But other than the old weather channel and True Blood, I really didn’t watch much TV. I’ve been watching much more in the last few years (True Blood kind of broke down my resistance) but mostly it’s because I’m hanging out with my husband. It’s the togetherness and not the longing for a show.

So that’s me. Shoes, books, working out and pushing myself, no TV. Or is it?

I think I might have been swapped.

The last 4 times I have walked into DSW, the mecca of the shoe buying world, I have not even found anything I wanted to try on. Not boots, not heels, not sandals. Nothing appealed. It’s been MONTHS since I saw any footwear that called to me.

I went into Barnes & Noble as a treat to myself the other day. Wandered all over. Fiction. Mysteries. Sci Fi. Remaindered. I could not find a single thing I wanted to buy. Even buying ebooks – very very few things for which I’ll pay the $. There is always at least ONE new book to call my name in a bookstore. Nothing.

Back in October I joined the local fitness studio. They have 2 studios – fitness and yoga. I hung out in the fitness studio, doing boot camp at 6:30 am Mondays and Wednesdays. Gabe is a fantastic instructor – positive, encouraging, suggestions for alternate moves that take into account damaged knees, neck, feet. I needed a third class. I tried the TRX (you use these hanging hammocks – go look it up). Didn’t like it. I tried the warm yoga flow – couldn’t keep up, had no idea what they were doing. Couldn’t make the Zumba time slot.

I took the beginner yoga class every Sunday morning. It was a lot like the stretch class if I tuned out the Om. 🙂 I got better and better at the positions. I ventured back to the warm yoga flow class. I could DO it. I even – yes – LIKED it. In the meantime, I went to those boot camps every time the studio was open and I was healthy. If I missed Gabe in the morning I’d go for Kelley in the afternoon, another phenomenally upbeat great trainer. I HATED boot camp. HATED it. It was everything I used to love. I spent every minute of it hating it and saying to myself “only 60 more seconds – you can do 60 more seconds”. I went, I didn’t miss because I hated it, but it was 3 months and I still had not slipped back into loving/needing/craving my workout. When the workout was over, even then I didn’t feel good. All I felt was thank heavens I’m done for x hours til the next class. And I added hot yoga to my scheduled. In the middle of January I reached a decision: no more boot camp. I proved I could do it. I proved that my willpower is still intact. Yes, I got better and stronger but so what. I checked my schedule and I can make a lot of the yoga and every now and then I get lucky and can fit in the ultimate stretch class too. 🙂

The final blow came just a few minutes ago, the prompt for this post. Jessica Jones Season 2 is being released March 8. I got all excited and sent an email to my husband in all caps about JESSICA JONES!!!!!!!

Who the heck AM I?

I don’t buy shoes.
I don’t buy books.
I’m excited about a TV show.

And omg – I’m loving yoga.

Another Step Forward

Things were VERY bad this morning. I was extremely stressed out. Many issues that are “real” and probably some that only seem to be issues because of lack of sleep or insufficient hydration or whatever. I was able to walk in 3.5 inch heels on Thursday, but not very well. PT on Friday didn’t go very well either – could not get the one toe to unlock and flex. Sigh. Things such as that accumulated. As has my weight. Ugh. Before noon the big cranky gray cat had attacked the black kitten twice. I was wound tight and tighter. What to do?

inch by inchIn the past, when I’ve reached that ready-to-scream-and-snap state, I’ve worked out. Okay, well then, I’ve been doing the grocery shopping (1.5 hours in sneakers & upright & moving). I wore 2.5 inch heels all day at the beginning of the week. Surgeon has said I’ll do more harm now by babying the foot than by pushing the limits. It wasn’t much of a decision. I changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my music and headed for the treadmill. I’ve not worked out in over 6 months, probably much longer. *laughing* I wasn’t even sure the treadmill would START. It did and I stepped on. I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked.

My walking was either pitiful or a major triumph. Or both. The FASTEST rate I got to was 2.4 mph. I used to start warming up at 2.6 mph. I pushed the incline up to 4% as I walked. I might not be going fast today but I could go steep. The triumph is that I walked a mile – nonstop. Considering that a few weeks ago I couldn’t walk at all without a major limp, I was quite pleased, even if it took 27 minutes. I started at 2 mph and got it up to 2.4 before I stopped. Considering there was a time I used to RUN, 2.4 is embarrassing. Considering the last few months, 2.4 is a miracle.

If I can walk, well, I’m sure I can row, too. *grin* Yep, I can row. Again, comparing it to what I used to be able to do, I did wince. Comparing it to the last several months – I rock. 180 strokes in 5 minutes.

Even more to the point, I do not seem to have damaged anything anywhere while I walked and rowed. My mood definitely lifted. No question that I worked out the negative energy that was stressing me. Since I think I’ll still be sufficiently limber tomorrow, I’m planning on doing it again.

Wish me luck and continued endurance and commitment. I hear my shoes calling.


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